The story of an arranged marriage

She had a great childhood. She was an adorable child. She was simple, innocent, cranky and one who loved her dolls. And she remained like that for ever.

She got older. But she was a child.

She was like an innocent small girl who would trade her little gold necklace, which scratches her and makes her uncomfortable, for a beautiful looking doll. She was like an innocent child, who would then lie to her mother how her gold necklace fell on the street and how she found the doll.

She was like a cranky little girl who would never study for her school tests. She would not be studying for her tests for the next day and if her mother scolds her, she would spend the rest of the night crying and locked up in her room throwing child tantrums.

But she was as genuine and innocent like a child.

And then she got married. It was an arranged marriage. The groom liked her immediately. He asked her about her education. She got defensive. It was not something she did good at. She did what a child would do. She lied.

She thought it was an innocent lie, because she was a child and had no clue about the real world. But then it came out. Her husband found out. You dont expect such thing from grown-ups. He got upset. And then she reacted like a small child would react. Like a small child, who got laughed at and mocked at in her classroom because of a stupid thing she did, and who boycotted everyone in her class. She hated going to class because she thought everyone was making her miserable. Even the friend she joined the class for was laughing at her. She hated him. She wanted to walk away. But that was against the norm. She told her parents. Parents knew her very well. They could not think of anything else, but the protective instincts came out and they asked her to come back. The only difference was this was not the classroom... this was marriage. The husband didn't like that reaction from her parents. He took it in wrong way. But for this small child, it was too much to understand... to understand the ways of the world of grown-ups. And then she reacted.

So for everything, this child started taking it as a pressure or restriction. This was a new life to her. She had always got her way. Everything in life used to be so simple. Why did the world change suddenly? Why is there any importance being attached to things like house, careers, money and responsibilities? She failed to understand. After-all a doll was all she wanted. What are these concepts of rent, insurances, health care, mortgages and bills? What is this about budget? She failed to understand. And what is this thing called in-laws? Are they going to judge her? She was miserable. She wanted to go home. She wanted to forget about all these things that grown-ups take care of. She wanted to go back to her parents and her friends where she would not have to worry about any of this. Everything would be smoothly taken care of.

She reacted. She boycotted. She was disinterested. She hated this new life. All this was perceived negatively by her husband. He could not understand it. For him, life was what he had planned by the book. For every action there had to be a reason. For him, a person lies only when he has done something wrong. He could not see that this woman is actually a small child. He hated it. he hated her. He hated her parents. He hated his new life. He thought everyone has cheated him. He was sure he had read of so many fraud cases in arranged marriages. All bad thoughts started coming. Have I got cheated, he asked? He then reacted. He blew up. He yelled and screamed.

And then it went on. She as a child could not see his frustration. What have I done wrong, she pondered? He must be a mean person. She told this to her parents. They reacted. Yes, he must be a mean person who doesn't understand my little one. He, in his negativity, could not see the child. He wanted a woman with childishness in her, but not a child. But he could not fathom this. He told his family. They reacted.

The battle went on and on. He forgave her for the lies. She forgave him for his reactions. But she didnt forgive him for judging her. She did not forgive his parents for thinking of her as a fraud.
She got defensive.

There were times they thought they have understood each other. He accepted that she was very childish. He called it immaturity. He hoped this would just get better with time. She accepted that he was too practical. She thought maybe thats how it is. She did things for him. She did it genuinely from the heart. Because one thing a child cannot do is to do something that she does not want to do. So either she did it whole-heartedly or she boycotted. He also did things for her. Sometimes whole-heartedly, accepting it, sometimes half-heartedly, grudgingly as a responsibility.

He was always planning his life. He was a responsible husband. He loved her. He wanted to make sure he and his wife have everything in life. He wanted a house and children and good careers for both of them. He wanted to ensure they survive the layoffs and the recessions and any emergencies. But then he needed support and understanding and help. He felt weak feeling that he was raising a child. She could not give the support to him. She was after her dolls. He got cranky and reacted. Then she reacted. Both boycotted each other. Both created a wall between themselves.

He started disliking her as a child. She started hating him for thinking of her as a child. He hated wondering why he has to tell her everything. She hated thinking that he tells her everything and must be a control-freak. She started feeling pressurized. She started feeling restricted.

He wanted to go out on vacations with her. She avoided thinking he would boss over her. He got defensive. It made him mad thinking his wife would avoid vacations with him.

Parents getting involved made it worse. Her parents knew her very well. They immediately knew she could not survive there. They even told him that he needs to be more understanding about her. They could not tell him that she is like a child. Should they? But he was angry. He was angry thinking that how could they support her crankiness. He thought about his own parents. Would they support him if he did such things? He remembered all the blasting his parents gave to him whenever he acted cranky. He could not understand her parents. He thought it is them who have spoilt her. He got angry at them. He could not understand that his parents, though they love him, look at him as a grown-up; while her parents knew she was a child and they had to protect their baby.

And the wall became wider and thicker.

Her childishness never seemed to wane. She never grew up. She would be rather more worried about a boil on her face rather than worrying about getting her visa renewed. She would worry more due to news that some tree fell at her parents hometown, rather than worry about her husband's car accident. If she dropped a bucket of paint on the floor and if he got upset at her carelessness, she would go and cry in her room till the paint got dry forever.

She could not connect with him because she felt she was being monitored. He felt he was just looking after his wife because she could not take care of herself. He could not enjoy the constant childishness. It pleased his heart for a while, but then it would worry him. He would think, is this a 30+ year old woman? He always felt like he was raising a child. He wanted a wife to help him, to be there for him, to support him and care for him. She did care for him in her own way, but he could not understand. Because he saw her caring more for her dolls. He saw her caring more for her parents who understood her. He saw her caring more for her friends who understood her. He felt alone and lonely. He got defensive. He wondered why she doesn't care for him enough, or is it just because he tells her things all the time? Is it because he gets defensive against her parents? He got further angry. "Try raising a child, who doesn't like you too much" he wanted to tell everyone. He wanted her to grow up and become responsible. He wished her parents to intervene as he felt they can influence her. They got mad at him. He got mad. He felt misunderstood. She felt misunderstood. Both became very defensive. It brought out the worst in them against each other.

She called her parents. Her parents reacted swiftly. They hated him for not understanding her. He tried to explain. They were not in a mood to listen. They came, they saw and they wanted divorce for their baby.

The child moved on to a different place. Away from him. He sobbed like a baby. Why would you refuse to grow up, he asked? His fears had come true. She has no clue what she is doing, he thought. Will she ever grow up? Will she be her age? If she does not, she will never marry anyone again. She fears if she will be able to handle this world of grown-ups. There will be responsibilities and in-laws and relatives and social events and insurance payments and banking transactions and taxes. There will be cooking and children and diapers and schools and budgets. She is afraid. So she has decided not to find anyone. Her parents hope she finds someone who will be like a daddy to her. She worries if she will find someone who loves the child in her. She is still a simple and innocent person, not knowing what lies ahead. Through her eyes, life is too simple. It is full of dolls.

Note: "Dolls" is used as a metaphor in the story.